Chalant1965
03-12-2004, 08:00 PM
:bleh Can't Help But Love 'em
For those with No children-this is totally hysterical!
For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.
For those who have children this age, this is not funny
For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.
The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas:
Things I've learned from my Children (honest & no kidding):
1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house
4 inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller
blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year olds voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded
restaurant. :crybaby
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong
enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room. :dunno
5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When
using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times
before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit
by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words 'uh oh,' it's already
too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
:eyes
9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a
36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies. :/
10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year
old. :baby
11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't
walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do. :wife
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is. :dunno
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not
like ovens.
20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms
dizzy. :rollin
22. It will, however, make cats dizzy. :rollin
23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24. The mind of a 6-year old is wonderful. First grade...true story: One
day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little
Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig
was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She
read,'..And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of
straw and said,
'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?''
The teacher paused then asked the class, 'And what do you think that man
said?' One little boy raised his hand and said, 'I think he said...'Holy
crap! A talking pig!'' The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10
minutes. :lol
25. 60% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.
:rofl
For those with No children-this is totally hysterical!
For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.
For those who have children this age, this is not funny
For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.
The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas:
Things I've learned from my Children (honest & no kidding):
1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house
4 inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller
blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year olds voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded
restaurant. :crybaby
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong
enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room. :dunno
5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When
using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times
before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit
by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words 'uh oh,' it's already
too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
:eyes
9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a
36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies. :/
10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year
old. :baby
11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't
walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do. :wife
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is. :dunno
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not
like ovens.
20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms
dizzy. :rollin
22. It will, however, make cats dizzy. :rollin
23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24. The mind of a 6-year old is wonderful. First grade...true story: One
day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little
Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig
was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She
read,'..And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of
straw and said,
'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?''
The teacher paused then asked the class, 'And what do you think that man
said?' One little boy raised his hand and said, 'I think he said...'Holy
crap! A talking pig!'' The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10
minutes. :lol
25. 60% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.
:rofl